Galvantula Eats Babies And Takes Its Time Doing It

Illustration for article titled Galvantula Eats Babies And Takes Its Time Doing It

Image: The Pokemon Company / Kotaku

Every Pokemon is interesting and worth talking about. I don’t play a ton of Pokemon, but I do enjoy the universe and I love learning more about the creatures in it. So, Here’s Another Pokemon! It’s Galvantula!

Galvantula Details

Type: Bug / Electric

Average Height: 2’ 07”

Average Weight: 31.5 lbs.

First introduced in Generation V

…shit. I blacked out. I think I took a weekend off and then helped cover E3 recently. I must have blacked out, because I just looked and someone else did a Pokemon instead of me. AND they praised it. That’s not what we do around here. That’s the last time I let Ari take over a weekend. Anyway, let’s get back to it. This weekend I want to talk about an awful spider that eats things alive, including baby birds.

I should be upfront and transparent before I go any further. You see, I hate spiders. With a passion. I might have mentioned this before, I don’t know, I’m not going to go read all this shit I’ve written over the years. But yes, spiders are the worst in my book. But even if I liked spiders, I wouldn’t like Galvantula after reading its Bulbapedia page. This thing hunts and eats baby birds while they are hanging out in their nests. Not cool Galvantula.

Not only does it purposely target baby animals and eat them, but it might spend days eating its prey. That’s because it uses its electric webbing to stun anything it catches. This stunned state lasts for up to three days and nights. During this time Galvantula eats the prey alive.

It’s shit like that which makes it impossible for me to like or tolerate spiders. I mean all the legs and creepy eyes are bad enough. But then it might grab me, stun me for three days and slowly eat me. Not doing a lot to help grow relations between spiders and the rest of the world, Galvantula, you yellow-haired asshole.

Random Facts

  • We all know Vapereon is the best Eevee evolution, regardless of what Ari might think.
  • I can’t imagine living in a world where 2-foot tall spiders are not only accepted, but are given special treatment and captured by kids. Fuck that!
  • Galvantula is a good name. I’ll give it that. And that’s ALL I’ll give it.

Best Comment From Last Week

“Jolteon is the fucking best. He bailed me out of so many jams against opposing Mewtwos back in the day. Link cable warrior right there.”


I’ve heard stories of the Link Cable Warriors. They live up north, near the valley. They use cords as weapons and work in pairs. Beware them.

Here’s Another Pokemon is a weekly look into one Pokemon and how weird, disturbing, silly, or cool it is and why. Catch new entries each weekend and click here to see all of the past Pokemon we have covered. 



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